if?

If... yeah there is a lot of "ifs" in everybody's life!
I'm lying on my bed ...it's a very loud silence in my room! my thoughts are loud yeah but you cant hear ... the only voice u can hear is the " furt furt"  from yahoo my friends coming online and offline!
I'm scratchin my lips! with my teeth and finger! thinking if...if i could be that and that if i had this and this if i were there and there if i was this and that! I wanna drown and fade away, in my bed!!!
I cant focus...there are lots of random thoughts...that I cant tell! to anyone but meh!

I push my self into my bed but it feels like the more i push the more it pushes me away

it's like my bed even dont want me! I want to cry but I can't! not because there is someone here not because i'll cry loud and they will hear but because I can't! its like i want to but somethin in me doesn't want to and doesn't let me to!it's just like I'm a zombie who I am is not who I wanna be.I dont say I dont love me! I love me but hey I cant express me! the way I want to!
wait is this jealousy? no! no because I dont want me to be them or be where they are or be who they are it's like i want to express me the way they can do it! i dont even say how they do! just the ability that they have! I want that.
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if only there was somebody wishin i only knew...

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I think its the maths test tomorrow uh yup! what can I say? I just wanna bang my head on the wall and stand in the wind and become little bubbles and grab a guitar and broke it and cry so loud!

oh u see? how that math test makes me feel!!!

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I am me, YOUR APPROVAL IS SO NOT NEEDED!
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